back off and breakdown.

Upon the continuous insistence of the doctor to tell him why I thought I had the blinding headache, I mentioned that I had been stressing a lot lately about the amount of work I had taken up. And how accordingly to Murphy’s Law Especially for Designers, it had all snowballed into these last 10 days. He murmured dismissively but I could see he wasn’t believing me. He finally looks at me with a twinkle in his eyes and says “have you fought with your husband?”. Sharing a look with my mom, I gestured at k who stood nearby holding my hand, and we both smiled and shook our heads. He aks persistently, “are you sure?” We both smile harder, shaking our heads. By then my mom can’t contain her laughter as she is totally aware of the tirade that has begun in my head.

“Well then, maybe you should fight some!” he declares all knowingly. And that would solve what exactly?

Sometimes, we never fail to amaze me. This whole web we have spun around relationships and our absolute refusal to even consider that life could exist outside it. I mean I’m sure a fight with k would be all important and definitely deserving of a horrible headache, but what about being a 29 year old woman means that that shoud be the ONLY reason my head aches? What about work? World peace? The orphans? Anything else? So many a time in our culture particularly, we are required to weave our existences around our other halves so entirely that any feeling/reaction that does not pertain directly to them is hard to digest. I feel like stomping, shouting, declaring, This headache is mine, all mine. No thanks to anyone but me.

But then I realize how completely crazy I sound. 🙂


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8 thoughts on “back off and breakdown.”

  1. lol, yes. i so completely relate. there are days when i want to stomp on folks and like a jackass in a twist, assert my individuality because im not just married, although i AM, but im also doing other stuff with my life.

    but i too shut up in my head and smile because kaun samjhaye inn ko?


  2. OMG! u just spoke my mind! i feel like screaaaaaming! ive come to the point where ive given up trying to explain to desi aunties that our lives dont have to revolve around the whims of the men in our lives. im sick of the ‘aaj kal ki larkiyan’ and ‘aaj kal ki bahu’ comments!! i feel like pounding the next aunty in her face when she says something so sexist like that! going off topic, sometimes i feel that in desi culture, women are the worst enemy of women. its weird and u prolly donno what i mean but ill prolly blog abt it one day when exams are over!

  3. thanks insi.

    thanks inkkk- am leaving inshallah on thursday for a holidayyy with k. so excited. MUCH needed.

    cheesoo, shez, SIGH. atleats we find humour in it 🙂

  4. i loved it…ufff jammie i go thru sooo s unbelieveable especially with the move the sense of being me was getting so tough to hold on to but things r k now…n if i get a headache i can proudly say its MINE as crazy as it may sound…hahha…loved the blog…

    hey have a great one n relax…vacations the besttestttttttt thing everr…i stilll have nt recovered from mine n its been a mth….

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