All relationships start out equal and then somewhere, suddenly someone is stronger.
A friend and I found our perspective over broken hearts by laughing over how needy we used to become in our earlier relationships, despite having started out in them as smart, independent, thinking, liberated women. Somehow, towards what we could later tell was the end, we had evolved into the whiny, pathetic clingy, oh-please-talk-to-me-2-more-minutes kind- the kind we (under normal circumstances) want to slap. We amaze ourselves by how much we can want something, even when it’s damaging. We astound ourselves by becoming weak when inside we know we are not. And most surprising of it all is the role we cast for our life, conveniently limiting our own abilities forever.
Having survived shaadi season recently, I found myself in observer mode a lot more than usual. Maybe change is more in the air or maybe I am more conscious of who I am in the process of becoming but things seemed heightened, decisions more key. Choices more stark. I could see so many patterns being set at the wedding itself between the man and the woman- things he would do and she would accept; comments she would make and he would ignore. I could see the same followed in dinners afterwards where both would adopt a demeanor. A demeanour which I think becomes the base for practically everything that follows. She would settle into a role- a placid wife, a subservient daughter-in-law, a defiant partner, a cynical acceptor and he would would settle into his- the king of the family, the good son, the aloof son-in-law and accordingly, slowly, life would start setting up house around them, affirming their own beliefs that this is who they choose to be.At the beginning of every relationship, I think there’s a moment. Let me call it a defining moment. It’s that unseen unheard of unfelt time period when you form the personality of who you will be taken as for the rest of your relationship-life. Of course there are changes, and improvements and then some more changes, but somehow, in some way, we all end up coming back that role, that character, that we cast ourselves in right at the beginning.