meeting deadlines.

I have had many many reactions to my news. Teary-eyed hugs (you’re going to be a mom!!) to incredulity (are you sure you are ready for this?) to shrieks and stunned silence and wonderful wishes and warm hugs. But the reaction that I must document for my posterity is the one that someone who I know quite well, who I thought knew me quite well, had. She heard my news, was silent for a second and then said, “You must be so relieved, I mean you’re going to meet the 30-with-kid deadline after all.”  Oh I could have said so much at this point, about getting married at 21 and not having ever tried to work after that, about having had 2.5 children before the age of 26, of being a smug little know it all, whose most intellectual conversation has to do with finding a cook and the latest embroidery, but I didn’t. After all, I’m almost 30.

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jammie

people who know me...know me.

19 thoughts on “meeting deadlines.”

  1. i wish people wouldn’t look at life as meeting deadlines. it just takes away from the spontaneity..

    hope you’re doing well 🙂

  2. congrats.i guess everyone is different.everyone has different choices.i got married earlier ,had a son soon after n looking fprward to ve another one,never worked.n its ok to me.but surely i will never criticize others who choose differntly from me.nor wd i like to b criticized abt my life style.

  3. congratulations mommy-to-be! 🙂

    and more so to both the khalas! 😀 it’s the greatest feeling in the world! 🙂

  4. totally goes back to what we discussed when we met up in karachi, right? i’ve been getting similar comments lately but refuse to let these vicious idiots age me with their maliciousness! been behind on emails, sorry! new blogs look fabulous!

  5. kick to the churails.

    but seriously i feel like asking them if i dont have any issues with your life choices so why are you free to comment on mine??

    sara- its totally our pompeii conversation 🙂 and dont let any comments get you down.
    thanks everyone for the wishes.,

    keep praying please that all stays well inshallah.

  6. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that persons comment. You’re getting worked up over nothing, it’s not the slightest bit offensive! Must be the pregnancy hormones!

  7. thanks mina- 🙂 kinda excited about the upcoming times. hehe.

    miss anglo paki- its always the tone something is said in and what is implied. and you dont know me, otherwise you’d know that I dont like judgemental statements being issued regardless of whether im “hormonal” or not. “share opinions sure, ask questions go ahead but do not tell me what i should or should not feel, ESPECAILLY when you know me. my life is different from yours. and it always will be.”

  8. Is that how you welcome guests? tut tut tut. There’s really no need to give off bitter vibes. Having a kid at 30, expecially for a working women is nothing to have insecurities about. In fact it’s almost the norm amongst working women. Inevitably when someone makes a comment like the one alluded to below, the tone needs to be accounted for, no doubt.
    “You must be so relieved, I mean you’re going to meet the 30-with-kid deadline after all.”
    But to make a big hooha about it on a blog entry, and have people bitch in a chain about the person who made the comment, is just a tad ridiculous, and dramatic.
    As for “knowing you”, and telling you “what to do”, i’ll put that statement down to paranoia from your part, i’m too indifferent towards you to covet to direct your emotions.

  9. to miss anglo-paki: every person is entitled to his/her own opinions. however, that doesn’t mean i would start challenging them to provide me with justifications. i may or may not agree with you, or prefer to soften my tone.. even to keep my mouth shut if i really don’t know the other person and i’m not sure how they might take in my views.
    Last but not least, this is jammie’s blog. she decides what she wants to write on her blog. because this is her space and uh her blog. and i, as a reader respect that, regardless of what i might think otherwise.

    (sorry jammie!)

  10. i actually agree miss anglo paki, with you that having kids at 30 is no big deal for working women today and its totally a choice which is EXACTLY what i was trying to make that friend understand- but of course, if people dont want to understand and want to misinterpret then they will. but you kinda proved that, didnt you?

    and sangfroid, thanks 🙂

  11. I am sooo late in this conversation but where I live and work….having kids in your mid 30’s is actually the norm….personally….there is so so so much to life than getting married and having babiez and making these self-imposed deadlines….your friend sounds like she is still stuck in the stone ages….I am really happy for you Jammie because it seems you are one of the few (now a happily growing number) of the desi women who do not give in to the silly deadline game. Goodluck on this new journey…:)

  12. Wow, I’m stunned. How rude is that??
    You should’ve asked her how she was doing with her deadline of having atleast one intellectual accomplishment in life before she turned 30 😛
    Some people!

    Ignore all these morons and …Congratulations!! 🙂

  13. My “deadline” experience: Having one of my closest childhood friends share her deepest worry with me, how it’s “time” for her and her husband to have a kid by next year and its so depressing that they arent living in the same place right now and that “delays it even more”. They’re both 25.
    Then she proceeded to inform me how she’s comforted when she thinks of me, 24, single…no prospects (or intentions!) of being married any time soon.

    Maybe it hurt more coming from such a close friend, having her look down upon my choices in life. The almost-pity and the “well-atleast-I’m-not-like-you.”

    Since when do people get to decide that my choices in life are worthy of pity?

    I had so many questions to ask her. About the responsibility of having a child, financial and otherwise. About being sure that one feels upto it, to be willing to change so much, to start a whole different lifestyle.

    About being ready.

    I decided it wasn’t worth it.

    sorry for the long-ass comment, Jammie!

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