(grand)momma knows best.

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When I was in class 3 (or was it 4?), I remember writing an essay once on what I wanted to be when I grew up. My mom, of course. And then another one in class 10 about an “ideal” in my life. Again my mother. Looking back now, I could not have possibly understood what a mom actually does back then, not even at what I thought was the every mature age of 14. it’s only at the brink of mommyhood that I have felt the urge…the need to once again write down that when I am all growed up, if I ever am, I would want to be just like my mother.

Mind you, my mother and I have not been best friends or sharers of secrets or the kind who have always ben able to talk “openly and honestly”. It has always been about “let me make my own mistakes” vs “why are you so stubborn?” If anything can be said of Virgos and Aries, it is that they will not agree to anything- especially the important stuff, but somewhere along the line, as someone who knows us both said, I inherited her “spirit of individuality”.  I am only beginning to maybe realize what that means as I struggle these days to make my own decisions regarding what will be my baby, without trying to sound like I am overruling her advice, or undermining her experience.

It is difficult to suddenly find yourself in a to-be mom position with your mom watching you do it. You want to make no mistakes and make her proud of you but you also want to make your own mistakes and feel the ownership of an experience that is essentially only yours. You want to be the best mom ever, of course, but how can you be with “the-best-mom-ever” right there, behind you, watching over your sincere stumbling methods? You find yourself insisting even more on doing things “your way”. You start sounding petulant somehow, younger than you have in years, stubbornly sticking to wanting to make a decision on your own, just to prove a point.

As the last month sets in, hormones which had nicely settled in the second trimester to produce a happily glowing “im an individual mommy type me” are on the rage, and everything is prickly again. And I am back to being ok with being my momma’s baby, trusting her on all decisions, wanting to be told what to do, and how to do it, and content to let her hold the best-(grand)mother-ever plaque forever.  Along with the baby, of course 🙂

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jammie

people who know me...know me.

7 thoughts on “(grand)momma knows best.”

  1. lol, yup. that wonderful feeling lasts only until the baby comes and your mom suddenly takes over the baby..
    my mom and i had a rough first two weeks with hana, now we’re settling in again. funny thing, this mother-daughter relationship…
    hope you’re doing okay..i can’t wait for you to have the baby already. bet you’re more ready than i am, to ‘pop’ though.
    🙂

  2. moms and daughters- its too intense sometimes i think- am looking fwd to the next month of it evoilving in a direction i cannot even imagine right now!

  3. things are going to change alright. and i’m just passing the stick along, things do get better i promise you. alhamd, hana and i are finally finding our rythm and i’m not going insane anymore.
    infact, i never even posted some of the worst days because i didn’t want anything negative so early on. mebbe i should have, but i’m glad i didn’t. i’d rather remember the good times.
    and the guilt…you’re prolly experiencing it even now. ‘am i eating well?’ ‘am i doing everything to give my baby an optimum entry into this world?’ so on and so forth.

  4. Hello mommy group.

    I love coming here and seeing comments by Mona, Jammie, Mona… and now me!

    Now to the point…
    J, when Iman was born I think I had the fiercest fights with my mom. I felt I knew what I was doing, and she knew what she was doing, so there was a lot of tussle.

    This time, I am all the more wiser. I have learned that I am the mom, and after some time, I will be the one to raise my little ones. So the best advice I have for you (and Mona)… let mom do what she wants. Agree with her and praise her for what she is doing. Just because you are being tied into a new relationship, you don’t have to struggle with the old one. Grandmoms ALWAYS mean the best for their kids and grandkids. You might not see it sometimes, but you have to beleive it.

    And as I said before… remember, your mom will NOT be hovering over your shoulder forever. Just take in her advice and learn from her as much as you can.

    One day, years from now, we’ll be doing the same thing, and then blogging about how our kids really don’t know anything, and don’t want us to be involved. Until then ladies… cheers!

    J, enjoy the last month you have with K. Go out for nice romantic dinners. As I said to Mona, head to the salon for the day. These things will be missed in the coming months.

    Ladies, I’m on round 2, and if I’m still sane, I know you guys can make it too 🙂

  5. sarah,

    i will second hina vehemently- go to the salon, get a pedicure, a hot facial, a nice massage and then go out for a nice dinner with the husband.. you’ll miss this for the first few weeks (if youre lucky and have support- months if youre not) after baby arrives

    my mums visiting and the clashes are endless.. as is the sudden spurts of overwhelming love i feel for her.. ive not been one to have an obsessive relationship with my mother, as i see a lot of girls around me having.. (mama this, mama that) ours has always been a tussle of 2 strong headed individuals .. i like that about it and baby makes it all the more challening, fun and much more complicated.. (did i make any sense here)

  6. Hina’s got a point. I wish I’d known earlier that there’s a difference between what the internet (as well as a billion different books) tells you about babies and what your mom KNOWS.
    for now, i love the fact that when i really need my sleep i can just hand Hana over.
    We’ll be fine Jammie. We got our mom and we got Hina.

  7. Sara, I definitely agree with hina and cheesoo. Go out and do everything u can now – enjoy the time being you two.

    Although I have to admit, until Eesa started walking and destructing, I never missed being two. Even today, as tidy as my house is without him when he’s at grandmas, I’d rather have twice the mess and him.

    My mum couldn’t make it when eesa was being born and I can tell you i missed her terribly. I prayed for every girl to have their mum near when they go into labour. Just the thought of going into labour, kept reasserting to me the hardship that she endured JUST to get me into this world – forget the craziness i put her through after I grew up. I distinctly remember telling her after she set a curfew that I’d never do to my kids what she did to me.

    Today, anytime my mum comes to visit us, I feel this sense of security, that everything will be ok. That she will be there to listen and support while I pull through my mistakes.

    Having a baby around us, was very new to both Imran and I. But 30 months into mommyhood, I have a renewed respect and bond with my mum – that of a friend and confidante. Perhaps its the knowledge of how limited our time together is, so we value it. Maybe if she lived close to me, I’d be worried if I could live up to her. I look forward to her advice because I know that no one has my best interest in mind, like she does.

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