Last night, k and I got out for the first time- well technically second if you count our quick hop to the forum a few days ago- But last night we went out for dinner. I got into my old jeans (yay!) and my pre-pregnancy chappals (yayer!!) and we went out and had steaks with the gang. We were out for an hour and a half or so and when we got back, my mom informed me that naddu had slept angelically throughout, being passed from one khala to the other, happily enough.
Talking to an aunt of mine later the next day, I was telling her that though I think I am truly enjoying the baby, how much fun it had been to step out with k, meet up with friends. To get a break from the tricyclical routine of feed-change-sleep. To wear something other than my tracks and comfy stretched t-shirts. To dress up. And she, being a doctor as well as a mother of two boys, told me that it’s good that I have started listening to my inner voice on what keeps me ticking happily because she had a really bad time with cabin fever and in a worst case scenario, that can translate resentment towards the baby.
In the dictionary cabin fever is defined as “boredom, restlessness, or irritability that results from a lack of environmental stimulation, as from a prolonged stay in a remote, sparsely populated region or a confined indoor area.” I suppose when you are someone who relies heavily on the world around you for most of the inspiration in your work and life, any kind of confinement can be claustrophobic. Even one that has to do with something as all important and all consuming as your baby. And as much a huge change as a baby brings about in life in terms of lifestyle, I think one must one some level try to retain an essence of who one is otherwise it can only get frustrating.
The last 2 weeks have been Insane. Wonderful. Perfect. Scary. New. And in all the newness, I struggle to find some snatches of the old familiar me because as much as I am looking forward to moving on and becoming this new entity, I have learnt that it’s the me that I know and am happy with that is going to pull me through in the end.