shutting off, time out and other such luxuries.

S and B were over with their 6 week old last week. It’s always interesting to meet other new parents who have similar social moral values and codes as you. It gives you so much to reflect on and decide on where your own daily parenting is concerned.

However, that’s not the story here. Something S said caught my attention. He and k were discussing work and timings and hours and basically catching up (they have known each other years) while B and I did the whole baby routine. How are the nights? Are you breastfeeding? Do you miss work? Does he respond yet? Sleep patterns, poop patterns, us as stay-home moms, missing work routine, other moms, pre-schooling- basically the whole thirteen yards. I had just finsihed saying to B how despite working from home and all, it was difficult because no matter what you are doing, it is like a part of your brain now always belongs elsewhere. You cannot help it. You cannot shut off, even for a few minutes. It’s like being permanently on red alert. The guys stopped their talk to turn to listen to us and then S, walking to where his baby was lying down, picks him up, and turns to k and says, “No matter how much we are part of this, it’s funny how we can still manage to shut off. Do our thing. I mean like life has changed but if I have to do my own thing, I can. B can’t anymore.”

It’s true, I realized. K is a wonderful dad in the making. He does nappy changes at night when I am too pooped (literally!) to move. He does night feeds when I can manage to wake him for them. There is boys’ playtime (read: my showertime), boys’ s naptime (read: my internet time). He is great to have around. He even makes dinners on the nights when the hobbit (our live-in all rounder) goes away for her weekend. I couldn’t ask for more. But yes the truth of it all is, he can shut off. Go to sleep. Have his down time. And we, the women, cannot- atleast not without extensive prior planning.  And even then the mind isn’t ours completely to do with as we please. It’s a mom thang.

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jammie

people who know me...know me.

8 thoughts on “shutting off, time out and other such luxuries.”

  1. and when you do ever manage to get some free luxury time (whenever that happens).. you will be too busy missing naddu, to be able to actually enjoy it! 🙂

  2. Oh my my my my my my my.

    Honey, when we had kids, we lost all “me time”. Omair does give me a night a month to take off with my friends, but I leave a LONG list of instructions, feed, bathe and do everything I can with the kids, leaving dad to just do tuck-ins, but even still, I call home twenty times to make sure all is “ok”.

    🙂

  3. First ‘real’ post I have read from you ever since your baby’s birth. i’m glad you’re letting down the supermom facade a bit.

  4. hahahahahaha zainab. i love it how one can only be “real” if one is upset or complaining or finding it hard and if someone is actually dealing with it with every ounce of their positivity, they are super mom or idealistic. you are not the first person to say something along the lines of “you have got to be faking the excitement and happiness “- heh only difference is the others who said are people who actually know me-. 😀

  5. Being a mom is the hardest job I’ve known. There are no breaks and no days off. There’s also very little appreciation for what we do, but I am of the belief that if we choose to be happy with what we have, then we will lead happy lives.

    I’ve been accused of having the “super mom” syndrome, so Zainab, your words hit close to home with me. But it’s just a matter of perspective, you can’t blame us for being happy in what we do. We’re not “faking it” we’re just optimists who love our children with unimaginable enthusiasm 🙂

  6. oh wow, did someone actually say this to you “you have got to be faking the excitement and happiness “-
    and did you retaliate or just accepted it? i’d be too scared to ask any mother this question, might attack me like a female tiger!

  7. how’d i miss this post?
    so true what cheeky said, my me-time isn’t really me-time, because i spend it worrying about and missing hana..i’d rather spend it with her. whatever i need to do, she tags along. i’m okay with that. i don’t have this need or urge to take time away from her. but that could simply be because i work and already spend like 7 hours apart..i don’t know. i plan on taking her to a socio-corporate thing i have to be at early next week. it’s either that or only 2 hours of that day with her.
    and whoa, ‘faking the excitement and happiness’? i don’t even want to get into that.

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