B says she cannot see herself as a mom (yet?) because she doesn’t think she could live without her work. It is what defines her and without it, well, she wouldn’t be B, she says, souding worried. She and N have been married almost 2 years now. A crazy fast paced wonderful whirlwind of two years that show no sign of slowing down.
The last 4 months of momminess have been startling. Chaotic. Confusing. And earth shatteringly right. I could not have, of course, seen the rightness of it when I was happily submerged in my teaching and work. I loved that life and no amount of goo-goo eyed babies and their rhapsodizing glowing mothers could convince me that that is what k and I needed to make our family “complete”. “We are happy as we are now…” I went blue in the face saying. “We have each other and our work which we love and a great set of friends and really, right now isn’t the time.” We didnt’ just mouth the words, we actually meant them. So where in the well oiled machinery of it all, did we suddenly decide we wanted to throw in a little monkeywrench? And more importantly WHY?
“It’s like my life will have to go on hold if we decide to have a baby now,” says C. “And getting back into it will be so stressful and I will have lost out on precious time.” Her husband nods his agreement. A baby right now is NOT a good idea. They cannot afford to put their life on hold.
I am caught right now in the midst of a baby boom. They are being born with a fericuousness that belies us turning 30 this year. It is the Year of the Baby. I see transfortmation all around me- A previously die hard live and let live type mom has suddenly taken to telling all the others how they should have their kids sooner rather than later. Another mom to be quit her job and currently nurturing a more wholesome environment of non-competitiveness at home. The urge to change gets overwhelming and as you yourself succumb to the many wonders of mommyhood, the desire and need to drag along others is intense. You want to tell them how amazing the feeling of a kid is. But you shouldn’t. You want to extol the virtues of motherhood, how fulfilling it is, how perfect it feels and how you wonder why you ever thought this would hinder your career plans. THIS is the ultimate plan you want to shout deliriously happy. But you can’t. And more importantly you shouldn’t.
Timing is most important in all this. And that is what I meant to say. The rest? All fluff.