If you ask me, the concept of mommyhood is kind of wonderful- a little cutiepie of a person who is a mixed up goody bag of you and someone you love- can it get any better? So, when a friend asked me what my favourite part about motherhood has been so far, I was stumped. I have lots of favourite parts and none more special than the other. And though maybe that makes for a conversationally boring answer, it is the truth. “What about the worst,” she asked. “What about motherhood do you feel is the hardest?”
I won’t get into the reasons- “late” motherhood, selfish personality, space issues, whatever- but what I find hardest about being someone’s mommy is the loss of me-time. Some days it feels like you are on a ball which is rolling and you have to stay on because if you fall something really awful will happen. And while you are on that ball, you have to hold a plate in your hand and on that plate there is a glass and in that glass there is water- which you absolutely cannot spill. And in managing that task, you have forgotten what it was like to switch you brain off for 15 minutes to be able to have a shower, read a book, have your tea without the constant need to manage/figure/plan/ and manage some more. The hardest part, however, is realizing that this is the way it will be for as long as you let it- until your brain, heart, life open up magically, happily, to make space for the tiny little person crawling around persistently, making his way into every pore of your me time.