If you ask me, the concept of mommyhood is kind of wonderful- a little cutiepie of a person who is a mixed up goody bag of you and someone you love- can it get any better? So, when a friend asked me what my favourite part about motherhood has been so far, I was stumped. I have lots of favourite parts and none more special than the other. And though maybe that makes for a conversationally boring answer, it is the truth. “What about the worst,” she asked. “What about motherhood do you feel is the hardest?”

I won’t get into the reasons- “late” motherhood, selfish personality, space issues, whatever- but what I find hardest about being someone’s mommy is the loss of me-time. Some days it feels like you are on a ball which is rolling and you have to stay on because if you fall something really awful will happen. And while you are on that ball, you have to hold a plate in your hand and on that plate there is a glass and in that glass there is water- which you absolutely cannot spill. And in managing that task, you have forgotten what it was like to switch you brain off for 15 minutes to be able to have a shower, read a book, have your tea without the constant need to manage/figure/plan/ and manage some more. The hardest part, however, is realizing that this is the way it will be for as long as you let it- until your brain, heart, life open up magically, happily, to make space for the tiny little person crawling around persistently, making his way into every pore of your me time.


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6 thoughts on “me-time.”

  1. okay, this is what i was trying to say.
    all this analyzing and thinking and managing and planning we do and how hard it is. ask the older generation and they’ll say, we never planned so much. things just fell into place.
    it makes me wonder if they just don’t remember and made it look effortless or they were just really lucky and things really did fall into place for them.
    if it’s the former, then i certainly hope that years from now, my own children will remember how effortlessly mom did everything (yeah right, huh?) and it’s the latter then why don’t i have some of that luck? or maybe if we stop planning, mnicromanaging and all that so much, maybe things really will start falling into place?
    heck, actually, i just really like the first option. that all this effort we put in comes across as effortless to our kids. yeah, i like that.

  2. I was just going to write about this today.

    “I won’t get into the reasons- “late” motherhood, selfish personality, space issues, whatever-”

    As a comparitvely “young” mom, let me assure you, I go through the same. More than being physically exhausted, its the mental aspect – as you said.. the constant mental planning and managing. Even if I manage to take out time to do something for myself, like going to the mall for example, I’ll end up shopping for the kiddos. If i go for a haircut, my mind will still keep working – planning something or other for them. They consume me, completely. But I’ve learnt to accept it gladly.

    Mona once mentioned in her blog that our kids will never love us like we love them. Its true, but sad at the same time. Its hard to imagine these tiny lil beings who’ve creeped into our very being, will never feel the same intense and ferocious love for us.

  3. *i figure the reward for giving up me-time is the absolute kaddu-ness of your little bundle of shrieks and giggles!*

    seriously…the picture of kaddu sneaking that smile to afia’s baby sister while you’re talking elsewhere is a total wallet picture!

    seriously…as selfish, non-mommy (and i can be, since im not), and superficial as it sounds…and im sure all mommy’s will hate me…but my kaddu better be as cute as yor kaddu.the price of my me-time.
    and there ive just committed woman-blasphemy!
    hate me hate me!I’ll take it back when i’m a mom

  4. You know what … everything you said rang so true …. trade kid for hubby. The loss of ‘me-time’ is one thing that I am earnestly mourning since I got married and it has absolutely nothing to do with how much I love A or how much I wanted to get married but sometimes you do just want to be ‘yourself’.
    I was just coming to terms with it and trying to get in sync with life as it is now. Am I to experience it AGAIN???!!!!!

  5. hehe yes sam im afraid it will- and it has never anything to do with anything other than the fact that sometimes you need to do your you stuff only by yourself- whether its as inane as stare at the TV set or dance in the room-dont worry though you will find your moments of me time and they will be even more precious now!!

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