“The ideas and belief- courtesy a culture ever more mired in materialism, consumerism and false advertising- that we should have it all, do it all and be it all AND be Happy. And if we are not, by God, something is wrong.”- Cathi Hanauer
Lately, having hit the 1 year mark with Nadi, I felt that all the allowances or lee ways I had made for myself in the last year, work-wise, weight-wise, mood swings-wise and generally life-wise should be coming to an end. I felt that I should be now getting back on track to resume the life I had pre-Nadi, of juggling my several design projects, my teaching career, k, family and friends. This time I would merely have one more ball up in the air- a baby! I did not stop to think at that time, that I would change, or that I might want something different. The baby year for me, was a gap year, in which I would be a mom and then go back to being who I was, since I liked that me so much.
I am reading a fantastic book which is a set of 26 essays edited by Cathi Hanauer which I very highly recommend to you ladies (and gentlemen). It explores the concept of how, we as women have taken on so much physically and emotionally that we have turned the concept of the “Angel in the House” as expressed by Coventry Patmore into our own modern version, The Bitch in the House (hence the title). The author also goes onto say that the more women she talked to about this, the more support and insight she gained into her own life and realized that we were all in this in some way or the other, however different our struggles may be.
Last month, I said no to going back to teaching at my previous part time routine but I agreed to take a 2 hour class every Friday. I also decided to slow down the hunt-for-projects freelance game and accepted a not-my ideal-kinda-work stay at home design job that will allow me to be with Nadi during the day, even though I am working. The decisions I am making now are not what I would have thought of a year or even 6 months ago, but the fact that I am making them, happily, even excitedly on some accounts, shows me that change is not something you choose, that it just happens and the smart ones amongst us- the ones who don’t want to get left behind- just hitch up our bags, grab the baby in one hand and laptop in the other and move right on with it.