The Bitch in the House


The ideas and belief- courtesy a culture ever more mired in materialism, consumerism and false advertising- that we should have it all, do it all and be it all AND be Happy. And if we are not, by God, something is wrong.”- Cathi Hanauer

Lately, having hit the 1 year mark with Nadi, I felt that all the allowances or lee ways I had made for myself in the last year, work-wise, weight-wise, mood swings-wise and generally life-wise should be coming to an end. I felt that I should be now getting back on track to resume the life I had pre-Nadi, of juggling my several design projects, my teaching career, k, family and friends. This time I would merely have one more ball up in the air- a baby! I did not stop to think at that time, that I would change, or that I might want something different. The baby year for me, was a gap year, in which I would be a mom and then go back to being who I was, since I liked that me so much.

I am reading a fantastic book which is a set of 26 essays edited by Cathi Hanauer which I very highly recommend to you ladies (and gentlemen). It explores the concept of how, we as women have taken on so much physically and emotionally that we have turned the concept of the “Angel in the House” as expressed by Coventry Patmore into our own modern version, The Bitch in the House (hence the title). The author also goes onto say that the more women she talked to about this, the more support and insight she gained into her own life and realized that we were all in this in some way or the other, however different our struggles may be.

Last month, I said no to going back to teaching at my previous part time routine but I agreed to take a 2 hour class every Friday. I also decided to slow down the hunt-for-projects freelance game and accepted a not-my ideal-kinda-work stay at home design job that will allow me to be with Nadi during the day, even though I am working. The decisions I am making now are not what I would have thought of a year or even 6 months ago, but the fact that I am making them, happily, even excitedly on some accounts, shows me that change is not something you choose, that it just happens and the smart ones amongst us- the ones who don’t want to get left behind- just hitch up our bags, grab the baby in one hand and laptop in the other and move right on with it.


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7 thoughts on “The Bitch in the House”

  1. i totally agree.i guess and i feel that too that sometimes we women want all.we want the looks,the home,the job,the kid etc.and than we are so busy with ALL of them that in the end we dont enjoy any of it.i guess (and you have mentioned in your blog regarding your hubby)that men dont have to face this dilemma to have it your are indeed intelligent to choose something which isnt very great but still in the end you are spending time with your little one.
    after staying at home for the last 5 years,i am too thinking on the same grounds:)

  2. I am so happy for you sarah. You sound like youve made the decision that came from inside the tummy. I’m mired in the great big debate at this point in my life and its so complicated. Going to order the book NOW

  3. beyond- the dilemmas the men face are of a diff nature- i dont think honestly (without intending to be a male basher at all) that men are capable of this kind of complexity in feeling and thought. And you know what? its a GOOD thing. 🙂 good luck with your decision.

    cheesoo- get the book get the book!! we shall touch base after youve read it

  4. Babies do not come with manual so everyday is an on -hand experience for a mother.You can choose to be a full time employee and full time mother and chances are you will loose your sainty .So in my humble opinion its a good idea to keep work on part time basis and motherhood on full time.This will allow you to feel like a productive human being and if in the future if you decide to enter work place you will not be out-of-date.
    I have been a silent reader of your blog for at least couple of years and this is the first time i am commenting. Having said that i always enjoyed your blog.

    All the best.

  5. there is hope! my one great fear in life is turning into an intellectual vegetable, despite being thrilled to have a baby. you’ve a lovely, warm blog!

  6. dua- thanks for the support- its never as easy as one canb make it sound- but thankfully so far so good!

    xainab- thanks!!

    caterpillardiary- theres always hope- but yes, it needs you to stay positive! 🙂

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