I remember the early days of having had Nadi when it wasn’t quite real that he was mine. I had no issues leaving him with my mom with a bottle to go finish up work, get a pedicure, or grab coffee with one of the friends or a night out with k. As time went by and it sank in that he was all mine, the feeling of being responsible also increased. As did the guilt at not doing enough. I left him for 4 hours to run errands- oh no I am a bad mom. I was ecstatic at the fact that he went to sleep earlier than usual so we could watch a movie- oh no I am a bad mom. I didn’t miss him when he was away at the park with my sisters- oh no I’m a bad mom. I shushed him and upset him because he was bothering me and I needed to work- oh no oh no oh no. Sigh, It’s such a silly thing because obviously as moms, we want to do everything in our power to make our children happy. Nobody, least of all ourselves, should doubt or judge the way in which we do so because obviously we will do so in a manner completely relative and suited to our own life patterns and situations. What we choose becomes a personal decision and it’s only when you are not listening enough to the inner voice and too much to the voices around you that the guilt starts growing and you are left torn and confused.
Its motherhood and many a times you WILL come out feeling that a situation could have been better managed or handled. Like I said, it’s motherhood, you will do better next time and no kid ever came out permanently damaged because the mother couldn’t handle it all oh so perfectly. As long as the love, support and substantial effort is there, the guilt should not. Us moms need to make peace with the fact that all is not in our conrol and there is only so much we can hold ourselves responsible for. Our bests will vary according to time, place and situation and you know, very honestly, kids are resilient buggers and despite the many experiments and goofups us moms promise them while growing up, more often than not, they do turn out pretty well.