LOSE THE GUILT. (yes, i am speaking in allcaps here)

I remember the early days of having had Nadi when it wasn’t quite real that he was mine. I had no issues leaving him with my mom with a bottle to go finish up work, get a pedicure, or grab coffee with one of the friends or a night out with k. As time went by and it sank in that he was all mine, the feeling of being responsible also increased. As did the guilt at not doing enough. I left him for 4 hours to run errands- oh no I am a bad mom. I was ecstatic at the fact that he went to sleep earlier than usual so we could watch a movie- oh no I am a bad mom. I didn’t miss him when he was away at the park with my sisters- oh no I’m a bad mom. I shushed him and upset him because he was bothering me and I needed to work- oh no oh no oh no. Sigh, It’s such a silly thing because obviously as moms, we want to do everything in our power to make our children happy. Nobody, least of all ourselves, should doubt or judge the way in which we do so because obviously we will do so in a manner completely relative and suited to our own life patterns and situations. What we choose becomes a personal decision and it’s only when  you are not listening enough to the inner voice and too much to the voices around you that the guilt starts growing and you are left torn and confused.

Its motherhood and many a times you WILL come out feeling that a situation could have been better managed or handled. Like I said, it’s motherhood, you will do better next time and no kid ever came out permanently damaged because the mother couldn’t handle it all oh so perfectly. As long as the love, support and substantial effort is there, the guilt should not. Us moms need to make peace with the fact that all is not in our conrol and there is only so much we can hold ourselves responsible for. Our bests will vary according to time, place and situation and you know, very honestly, kids are resilient buggers and despite the many experiments and goofups us moms promise them while growing up, more often than not, they do turn out pretty well.

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jammie

people who know me...know me.

8 thoughts on “LOSE THE GUILT. (yes, i am speaking in allcaps here)”

  1. hi. I quite understand what you say. Although I am on mat. leave there are still occasions when I feel the ‘guilt’ bit. And I know the feeling will worsen when I am back to work. We mothers are like that I guess.

  2. yes…and its funny how kids (and Im talking about myself as a daughter) will ‘blame’ you for the funniest things (and not what you fear)…they will hardly think you are a bad mom because you left them with g/mothers, aunts, were shushed….you were a BAD MOMMIE because you didnt let them wear their party frock to schol (oh the childhood trauma doesnt go away!!), couldnt have the second helping of ice cream, werent allowed to pierce your nose, disapproved of certain friends….so relax and enjoy the trip Jammie…and think of Salman Khan in HDJPK…’zindagee mey jitna bhee karo s**a kam parh hee jaata hai’…

  3. hey preeti- agreed- its a mom thing 🙂

    aneela- i played the blame game a lot with my parents because acc to standards as one might call them they were pretty strict esp with me being the eldest- i had to literally earn theright to everything- from a boys phone call to the prmission to stay out on new years but now that im a mom- and im sure my mom must have felt gulty saying no too- but ait all works out na?

    btw WHAT is HDJOK or whatevr? I just could NOT fgure it out!!

  4. oh the staying out for New Year’s and Chand Raat Great Wars…I wish I had chosen my battles better…such a waste of energy…but I guess it ‘pinches’ you when you see the younger sibling just waltzing by with all the freedoms you had fought for with your blood and tears (excuse me if I get all 14th August ‘yeh des hamaree qurbanio sey bana hai’ on you)…but yes it all works out in the end…even if our ‘validation’ of all the good they do is 30 years too late!!

  5. validation, my friend, especially from kids, is ALWAYS late but supremely gratifying im sure. (see how im already preparing m,yself for my Nadi battles) hehe

  6. After becoming a mom I’ve apologized to my own mother on many occasions. Sometimes even reminding her of certain events in our past, telling her how bad I feel about what I did. Even after all those years, my mom smiles and nods. I know she’s happy that I’ve acknowledged that I gave her a hard time.

    Validation is never too late, especially for parents. I’m sure no matter how much time passes, it will never be enough times that Iman tells me that I’m a good mom 🙂

    And yes J, PUT THE GUILT DOWN AND WALK AWAY 😉

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