finding our mojo

Some manual somewhere states that once you become a mom, Thou must be selfless. Kids should be first and foremost and you should always ALWAYS think about them first- AND it also states that Thou shalt feel this naturally. So what happens if you don’t? What if the first face you want to see after delivering your baby is not your baby’s but your husband’s? What if you intially resent the lack of couple time because of the constant onset of baby time? What if you don’t drown with guilt when leaving the baby to be sat upon by your trusted few while you hop out for regular pedicures, coffee hops with friends and work meetings?

I have always been of the belief that to be a good mom you have to be a happy one- which means that you should get to set your own rules and regulations on what is necesaary for the kind of parenting you foresee for your kids. We are so stuck in the race of trying to supermom each other out that we forget to see that the solutions don’t need to suit the whole world, but just our world and the kids dont need to be perfect, just happy. I know such amazing women and I am so inspired by them for the small but huge parts of themselves they have given up to find a working solution for their families- women who have gone away for a year or two to study so they dont resent their kids for what they couldn’t do, women who have left their studies or work to stay at home and  focus their energies on their kids, women who have juggled the guilt of working, of giving into nannying, women who have given up amazing careers. I refuse to believe that we can be clumped together, or be judged  for not doing the best for our kids just because it does not conform to some vague standard set by the limited annals of culture and society. I refuse to let anyone tell me that I didn’t do the best for my kid just because I didnt do it by the book as it was written a hundred years ago. I am the new age mom, ultimately selfish in my approach, and although I will move heaven an earth to find a solution to keep my kid happy,  and I will also do what it takes to keep me as happy and fulfilled.


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8 thoughts on “finding our mojo”

  1. We dont refer to you as Wise Woman just like that…good for you…and trust me Nadi will appreciate you for this…as you infer yourself you have to come back ‘whole’ for your kids rather than be in one place and mentally tearing away to another.

  2. ‘ to be a good mom you have to be a happy one’ and to be a happy one you have to be YOURSELF!
    as shah rukh once said ‘i know me best, and i know what works for me.’

    nice post 🙂

  3. sara, you touched a topic that is on a mom’s mind constantly and on everyone else’s tongues 🙂 it’s happiness and not perfection that’s important..and once you’re happy, life does seem perfect.

    eid mubarak!

  4. actually this post was more inspired by a couple of moms around me who are getting flak for being quite cool and i got irritated at the idea that they have to justify their lives and choices to people who are utterly pointless.

    to each his own, REALLY, to each his own.

  5. i’m going to flatter myself and say that i’m one of the moms you’re referring to! 😛

    honestly though, the amount of guilt that comes with attempting to carve out “me-time” is all-consuming at times…i do struggle to live up to everyone’s expectation of what a mom is along with my own deep-rooted belief that i’m trying too hard to attain a life that’s long behind me now. it’s through the fine balance of manuvering my needs with that of my baby that i find..nirvana some days. 🙂

  6. hey … 🙂 I dunt know you but came across your blog thru another one and found it very interesting..thought should comment 🙂 hope u dun mind…..

    just wanted to say that I very much agree to every word in your blog…..i dunt have any kids yet but have been married for 3 years, am struggling with a job and MBA degree…. get constant reminders from all and sundry that how one shud start producing babies as soon as you get married….. and then i have all these fears as you mentioned about compromising everything in life…already living with inlaws is an ordeal every day!! i dont know how women cope with all this……your writings give me a lot of hope 🙂
    but the question remains that how to shut ur ears to all what people are saying and lead ur lives normally? you said you want to be a happy selfish mom and that would be best for your kid…which i totally agree to! but doesnt the struggle totally drain you out?

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