Some manual somewhere states that once you become a mom, Thou must be selfless. Kids should be first and foremost and you should always ALWAYS think about them first- AND it also states that Thou shalt feel this naturally. So what happens if you don’t? What if the first face you want to see after delivering your baby is not your baby’s but your husband’s? What if you intially resent the lack of couple time because of the constant onset of baby time? What if you don’t drown with guilt when leaving the baby to be sat upon by your trusted few while you hop out for regular pedicures, coffee hops with friends and work meetings?
I have always been of the belief that to be a good mom you have to be a happy one- which means that you should get to set your own rules and regulations on what is necesaary for the kind of parenting you foresee for your kids. We are so stuck in the race of trying to supermom each other out that we forget to see that the solutions don’t need to suit the whole world, but just our world and the kids dont need to be perfect, just happy. I know such amazing women and I am so inspired by them for the small but huge parts of themselves they have given up to find a working solution for their families- women who have gone away for a year or two to study so they dont resent their kids for what they couldn’t do, women who have left their studies or work to stay at home and focus their energies on their kids, women who have juggled the guilt of working, of giving into nannying, women who have given up amazing careers. I refuse to believe that we can be clumped together, or be judged for not doing the best for our kids just because it does not conform to some vague standard set by the limited annals of culture and society. I refuse to let anyone tell me that I didn’t do the best for my kid just because I didnt do it by the book as it was written a hundred years ago. I am the new age mom, ultimately selfish in my approach, and although I will move heaven an earth to find a solution to keep my kid happy, and I will also do what it takes to keep me as happy and fulfilled.