The thing with fighting with a friend is that no matter how right your side of the argument also is, they make you take a look at yourself- especially if you are the kind who is always on the think anyways.
With H moving away and M moving back, a whole bunch of stock taking was in order. Best friends may be all healing for the soul but given the right time and words, they can also be the most damaging. They tend to take what doesn’t work about you and use it to prove a point, defying some of the conduct codes. At other times they take the same knowldege and help mend you in a way the defies logic also.
Over the last many years, despite the moves, shakes, marriage, kids, heartbreak, big blow-outs and deep freezes that we have subjected oursleves and each other to, my core group of friends has actually remained constant. Some might argue that that would be the ingredient of lasting stuff but recently I am questioning that all over again. Can friends actually last f the dynamics feel one-sided? Someone who I really admired once, matter of factly states that there are always givers and then there are takers and the key to personal peace is understanding what your role and make..well peace with it. Cut and dried enough to make sense, but not grey enough to appeal to my more emotional sensibility, my argument has always been but what about the intangibilities? How can you quantify giving and taking when you are talking about matters of the heart? How can I say you don’t give me enough in x terms when that person might actually be giving me MORE than enough in y terms? What if I need you to be more emotionally interseted and available rather than physically around? Is that wrong? Yes, argues my nemesis, you can’t expect from people. You should just know that I am there when and if you need me- otherwise not much can be done.
Is it that simple? The you should know. After years of stormy sailing-and yes I admit in the twenties at times, there was something about the drama that was almost thrilling- I feel I have evolved. Giving is no longer an issue as long as one some level, I feel like Im getting. And only I can really know can’t I? I can’t list down to my friends of what all I am doing for them or have done if they don’t feel like I am doing it. Because then I am not doing it in the way its needed to be done in. Isn’t the whole point of being there- as friends or partners or even enemies that you fulfill the requirement for that post as per your best ability?
A number of times in the recent years, I thought I attained the feeling of having actually reached a milestone. Of having clicked into that place that makes you feel like you are finally on your way to becoming the person you have always wanted to be. Someone whose faults and strengths are understood and appreciated- yes both- by atleast the core group of friends. Someone secure. Someone who despite it all, managed to pack up the boxes that needed to be put away. I think this idealistic scenario took seed in my head after my marathon watching of Friends, where despite sides, breakups, anger, hurt and joy, they always came back to the simple truth though humour and the ability to see the bigger picture- that they were actual friends. Unfortunately, life, although a soap opera is never like the fun sitcoms, (otherwise I would be a better more confident version of Meredith Grey and would never let McDreamy get away). One learns the value of friends through a series of bumps and hits and misses and yes, through the haze, if we are lucky enough, smart enough and if the stars are aligned right, we do come out ok, having made our points and gotten away with being attacked by others points, with only superficial war wounds- (which fade to almost nothingness eventually if you let them)- to remind us of the fact that we have been been fortunate enough to be have been friended. And maybe that is what the big picture is all about.