The concept of motherhood is just such a vast and emotional one that no matter how many stories, anecdotes you hear, it only just begins to give you a glimpse of what it could hold for you personally. And even then, the image is fuzzy, unclear and more or less based on a lot of conventional cliches that we grow up seeing on tv and around us.
Unlike a lot of my friends, I could actually imagine having a baby around- in the physical sense of the word. I could imagine life getting busier- insaner. I could imagine the tasks- and I feared them somewhat. I could see life changing- and not in the good way alone. It wasn’t a clear image a lot of the time but safe to say, I thought I knew vaguely what I was in for. However, what no one ever tells you about- probably because on so many levels it defies understanding until you go through it- is the connection you have with your baby. Oh I am not talking the mother-child umbilical cord thingy, I am talking the insider joke connection. The share a look and burst into giggles because you are on the same page connection. The personal only between us comments, jokes and images connection.
While watching his Baby Einstein DVD, yesterday, Nadi was totally absorbed in the number games, playing along as usual when suddenly he giggled. I turned to look at him and he whispered Mama and pointed to the screen- I looked and this cow came on screen and chomped on a flower. We had a good shared laugh over the silliness and that was that. The next day, at my moms, while I was randonly flipping through TV and Nadi was busy with his usual routine of something or the other, there was something about flowers on some channel, and I paused because the flower looked like the one Nadi and I had laughed about a day earlier and before I had a chance to say something to jog his memory, I caught his eye, which was gleaming- literally gleaming- with the suppressed glee of our shared connection. He had his trademark imp smile on his face as he relized that I was reciprocating in the reocognition and he ran to me, giggling, for a hug to seal the deal.