Rambles of a Preschool Mom

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I love Cathy Thorne. Mainly because she says it like it is. If I scrounge around deep enough in my psyche, I suppose I could admit that the though did cross my mind that when Nadi’s world expanded, it could end up meaning that his teacher will be more loved than me. Motherhood is funny complicated suffocating little huge thing isnt it? When they are demanding and want every iota of your attention trained on them, you feel so limited. You want to push them away and scream GIVE MY BRAIN SOME SPACE!!! You want to be an unmommy mommy, one who is capable to conversation beyond the nappy rash creams and preschool malarney. You want to be able to be who you used to be, on some level at least. And when this school time comes, where you see your toddler toddling off into the sunset with his lovely teacher, suddenly you feel this gaping hole of emptiness- and even if for only a second, you feel utterly useless. As if the main purpose of your existence just suddenly vanished.

Now in week 3 (day 9, officially but who’s counting?) of Nadi’s preschooling saga, I am much much better. More than him, I have adjusted to the idea that he will belong to world more expansive than what I was able to give him- naturally. I am able to breathe easier at the thought that for that one hour he is doing other more diverse things than what I was able to provide for him, with more kids than I was able to furnish him with! The butterflies still swoop down at least once every morning as I say a little prayer for the day to be wonderful for him- filled with the wonder of new- but I am learning to control them0 to order them to swoop and swing in formations I like.

I wonder if 2 is the right age for schooling. I am just not an advocate of the academic- I prefer exploration. I liked Nadi sitting and examining something for a long period of time rather than have his day structured into little components- at least for now, I wanted him to know the leisure of time and discover things at a pace that was not set by human clocks. I know its a boho fancy free notion of upbringing but somehow Nadi fits that well; he has from the start. We have followed the more vague adminstrations of nature rather than the more rigid timelines of the man made kind and for both of us, it was a path that worked out well. That said, I am happy with my choice of playschool, bright airy lots of colours, lots of visual stimulation, happy people, pets, grass, outdoor areas- the works. It looks like a place made for mental nurturing- a concept I didnt realize I was so strong upon. And despite the intitial hiccups- and sniffles and wobblies- he is an excited little boy at the idea of school. Atleast the concept makes sense intellectually to him if not emotionally yet. I suppose he must be wondering why his mom is handing him over to a stranger after 2 years of being around. I would, too. All for the best, baby boy, all for the best. There is so much that goes on in my head where these little-big decisions are concerned and in the end, you throw it all up high high into the universe, with all the best intentions and plans and your best prayers and then hope that the pieces fall into the right places, fitting in and completing the picture that you are as yet unable to see…

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jammie

people who know me...know me.

8 thoughts on “Rambles of a Preschool Mom”

  1. as someone who is writing from the trenches of the green poop this seems like bahut door key dhol, sigh!
    someone suggested putting the baby in day care one day a week to get a break and I literally turned cold…the good man puts our ‘drama’ as ‘dilli ka ladoo khao tau bhee pachtau na khao to bhee’.

  2. the playschool sounds fabulous. and looks it too, from the pics i’ve seen. it’s exciting and scary huh, this thought of them exploring a part of the world without us right by them, watching, exploring and learning right alongside them?

  3. aneela- it aint that far my friend, it aint that far 🙂

    mona- yes- i dont know why but i havent reached that point where im like gooo i need my 2 hours of me time- i mean yes i need me time but somehow its all complicated and confusing and hilarious. So ill shut up now.

  4. I’ve said it before (at someone else’s blog) and I’ll say it again.

    I have no idea what’s tougher. Giving birth or raising the kid.

    Preschool worries sound JUST the kinda thing my mother keeps telling me about once she’s on her ‘birth is just 9 months, raising is for LIFE’ argument.

    I’m glad anyway that you have gotten your me-time. I think it’s incredibly important for me too once I become a mom and I am already realizing that the first two years of a child are incredibly incredibly taxing and time-consumign for a mother.

    All the best to Nadi, and muchas congrats on his first new steps in the world of academia. 🙂

  5. minerva- giving birth is nothing as compared to the raising- so many questions for the thinking kind of people- its something i never realized- but it makes you feel alive, galvanized- ready to take on the world and yet so many concerns at the same time 🙂

    get the word taxing and time consuming out of your dictionary- they are not condusive to happy motherhood!

  6. Jammie, I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with all the pressure. I’ve seen so many mums go absolutely bonkers wiht kids. And I simply HATE HATE HATE ill-behaved, crazy kids who ruin peoples’ drawing rooms. I’d hate to be a mom to one of them. Eyukh, Allah bachaye.

    Isliye the need to be a good mom is more and more cumbersome.. Social grace, self-preservance and yeah definitely being a mom is something that you want after you’re married so …

    Allah rehm karey!

  7. Heyy Jammie!
    I was quick to put E in a play group when she was 2 altho part time I think it did her good, she was very on and off about me leaving her there…somedays she’d literally kick me out of the place when I dropped her off…despite all the fears and insecurities of a mother, its very tear jerking when you see ur child grow like that confident in a little world which is their own…claiming their coat peg and work tray…excitedly running to their own friends who they’ve chosen for themselves and its fun to see them fall in love for the first time with their ‘teacher’
    its also good because when it’s time for real school the kids who’ve done preschool are very much ready for a work routine opposed to just learning thru play…
    i do sometimes get frustrated tho as prob every mum does, when E goes ‘BUT teacher saaaaid…!’ lol
    X

  8. 🙂

    beautiful post with so much positive energy in it. Cubby started preschool too and tho the husband started with how can we torture the child like this he is the proudest to see his child hop, skip and jump to his school! hehe!

    i think playschools are meant to be just fun and academics in any case! and they do love spending time with kids their own age i guess!

    wishing Nadi happy times ahead!

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