Hussy, Am and I landed up at my place post a plan one day, just hanging out. Fizz, Am’s impy 2 year old puttered around the room looking for ways to entertain himself while the three of us chatted- getting involved in the finer details of something we were dissecting and analysing. The conversation got heated as Am and I debated one point back and forth, until suddenly we heard Hussy cry out in desperation from across the room, “CAN YOU GUYS NOT HEAR THIS??” Turns out Fizz, having exhausted all the odds and ends in the room had found a metal pan on which he was clanging with all his might- and had in fact been doing so for a good 5 minutes- a fact that completely escaped our mommified ears, as the two of us calmly carried on our conversation.
Hussy, currently standing on the other side of the chasm that separates us mommies from the regular human beings, was suitably impressed (read horrified?) at this super power we have of being able to tune out (an in this case, quite literally!). Life has become so much about the breaks and interruptions that we try to block out the unnecesaary just so we can complete what we need to. Everything is done in short episodes, whether its something as simple as having lunch or something as detailed as a project deadline. I cannot remember the last time when I had a stretch of unadulterated unbroken me time to do with as I please. As I am fond of incredulously asking k, “What did we DO with all the time we had alone?” Even he doesn’t really remember. Apparently with the ability to tune out also comes amnesia.
Nis sent me this really interesting book called Between Interruptions (thanks so much- I love love love receiving stuff like this!!) that has writings of moms who have lived to tell the tale- through the guilt, the fulfillment, the agony and the ecstasy. Its such a relatable read, because no matter how together you think you’ve got it, at night when the demons come to prey, all thinking normal moms have the same fears. Am I a good mother? Do I do enough for the baby? Do I do enough for myself? I find strength in the common-ness of trials. It feels good to read of other people- who are trying AND managing- to live their life to the fullest between interruptions (such a fantastic title for the book, really). I don’t know why before we become mothers we are so averse to the idea of life changing- and we swear to ourselves we shall try our hardest to live like before. There is such relief, such power, such freedom in finally letting go and realizing in one deep cleansing breath that I am a mother now- and that despite my mad work deadlines, my non work interests, my life as a wife or friend or daughter or sister, when needed, that bit of me – the momma bit- easily, effortlessly without a second thought takes priority over everything else.