By nature I am a sarcastic being. My aggression, anger, and all those other negative defensive friends of mine get manifested in my words because I don’t condone hitting people. Violence begets violence and all that. Perhaps my way can be more hurtful at times, but taken in the right strain, it can also be more healing for both parties involved. However I have recently realized that my violent nature flutters into awakening every now and then only when I see examples of the parenthood humanity kind who deserve nothing less than a sound spanking.
A father of a 4 year old and a 2 year old stood behind me informing his other Neanderthal friends how he has never lifted a finger to help his wife with the kids at home. “I provide and she manages the house- thats how it goes in our culture. My mother would really disapprove if she imagined I was helping out at home, ” he finished puffing out his chest with what he probably assumed was manliness. I didn’t have the heart to tell mama’s boy that the apron strings had managed to choke his manhood if he was going around making statement like that in public.
I saw a 3 year kid with glasses (glasses just makes them so much more vulnerable looking) crying his heart out infront of the school today. He was clinging to his driver, a big hairy teddy bear of a man, and sobbing his eyes out. The driver looked around helplessly waiting for a kind teacher to come and take this poor child into school. For that second suddenly I became the kid and that feeling of utter abandonment swept over me as I wondered why my mom wasn’t there. In this day and age of kidnappings and murders and other crazy things, why can’t a family member- ANY family member come to drop a 3 year old to school?
Soon after Nadi was born, a socialite aunty and her 30-something daughter came to visit us. We are related. Amidst many other jewels of advice she also said to try and feed him as less I can, preferably only 2 weeks or so, because its such a burden (bandish – which translates to trapping literally, was her exact word) and really interferes with your life, citing the example of her with her poor daughter sitting right there. “She really held me back from having a social life- she had no set timings and by week 4 I was just sick of it.” Judging from the daughter’s pinched stressed face and what I have heard about them, I can see how healthy and amazing this relationship turned out to be.
I see all these relationships that could have gone so right with a little bit f simple effort from the parent and it makes me blood boil when parents make remarks that make it seem like the child is a burden, like the baby came to them as a responsibility and a duty but not as a source of joy or happiness. What good can possibly come out bringing a little person into the world who you’re going to screw up right from the word go?
I know my judgy-want-to-slap people rant has many loopholes in it, because of course situations are madly relative and there are always reasons exonerating one of what one does, but the fact of the whole matter can be viewed quite simply as far as I see it; if you have a kid, you had better do your darnedest best to do the best you can possibly do – given your own circumstances, sure. Anything less than that IS a judgement on you.
I see my doctor friends abroad struggle to keep all the balls in the air while they work and try to raise some semblance of a normal family- their methods may be circumspect by my standards but the intentions and attempt more than make up for it. And maybe best intentions are what pull us through in the end.
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