I have always been very pro-siblings. Mainly because the few examples of only lonelies I have seen (in my family especially) just don’t work. Family, in my family has always meant chaos, too many opinions, crisis, strife and then the amazing things that go with it. We have always been in the midst of some loud drama; and that is probably the only way I know how to live. K comes from what I call an English family. They keep their emotions in check and are unfailingly proper and polite about things and his introduction to my life was kind of like watching a version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which incidentally was the first movie he and I ever watched together. The boisterous exuberance and sheer number of the Potakalos family isnt unlike my own and the poor sweet outnumbered Miller family was scarily like K’s.
So when Nadi was born, I had no doubts in my head, that God willing, we would be going down this route again- quiet is just not how I like things. The last 3 years with Nadi have been amazing, very fulfilling parentally speaking and I begin to kind of understand why people just have one kid. You can focus so much more. Worry less also in some ways. Worry way more in others. Also milestones can be truly celebrated with no pending worry of equal excitement for future kids. Ha only someone who is either a sibling or has more than one will know how hard it can be for parents to remain neutral and equal. So yes, in the last few years there was one or two points when I kinda agreed with k that Nadi was enough. But I know neither of us was sure.
We cannot predict feelings and relationships of course, but we try. I dream now of how Nadi will be such a perfect elder brother because he is a gentle soul. He really cares about the happiness of others, which totally makes him ill equipped for the world but that is another story. I imagine what my twins will be like, with me, with each other, with k, with Nadi. I imagine favourites and not. I imagine and pray for lots of times at war and peace, all of course based on mine and my own siblings experiences.
At my ultrasound a couple of weeks ago, I got my first actual glimpse into sibling life and rivalry, as the sonologist manipulated the doppler around and prodded at me. I could see them both so clearly- my first time ever. All the other times have been completely fuzzy. They were two perfectly formed baby shapes. One was on its profile side, the other I could see in birds eye view. Suddenly the horizontal one kicked its little leg out against the other one who rolled itself up against the wall of the uterus in an effort to get away. I was gripped by this sudden laugh and urge to scold the kicker and hug the hider. Already I am casting roles for them and they aren;t even what is termed medically viable yet. I guess its a good thing I won’t know who the kicker is when they are born otherwise someone would have been in big trouble. I get the feeling the quiet days are numbered.