I am not a planner really. Nor would I say I drift- but there is definitely more of a lets take things as they come kinda approach I veer towards. Call it faith, call it what you may, it suits me in a way that planning and control doesn’t. However, however much of a drifter and come as may person one may be, there are always the Grand Plans. The 5 year plans. The 10 year dreams. The things you say to each other and promises you make because you have these amazing many things you look forward to doing together as life rolls along.
Since our marriage had a rather humble beginning and K was just starting out his new job, we looked forward to one day celebrating in style. For our 5th anniversary, we decided we would work towards being in Paris- his favourite city in the world which he promised to show me the way it should be seen. We were going to stay in that little boutique refurbished hotel from World War II days and eat bread and cheese and perhaps I would try my first taste of champagne. We had thought of commissioning some street artist to do our portraits and I had imagined introducing K to the Louvre and Art as I know and love it. We were going to be walking at night on the Champs Elysees and sitting at the roadside cafes, looking at the Eiffel Tower deep in coffee and conversation. We had planned we would open and read our yearly anniversary letters to each other there, reminiscing about the things that had happened. We had imagined a romantic interlude where we would rediscover and relive our own love story- and renew our commitment for the next 5, 10, 25 years in true storyboook style. At that point, all dreams spinning, we were definitely not going to be having twins 8 weeks later.
That’s the thing about plans, isn’t it? You can design them down to the smallest detail but then suddenly something Bigger happens that adds this new perspective and suddenly all the little things that you planned seem to float away a little further, becoming dreams for a more indistinct future. Wonder sets in of a new reality that tiny human brains and limited visions like ours have no capacity to dream up of or imagine. And the vastness of all that is possible- all that life is capable of giving you is suddenly, if even for just a moment, so utterly clear.