true or false?

“Children can’t be a center of life and a reason for being. They can be a thousand satisfying things that are delightful, interesting, satisfying, but they can’t be a well-spring to live from. Or they shouldn’t be.” – Doris Lessing, “A Man and Two Women”

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jammie

people who know me...know me.

12 thoughts on “true or false?”

  1. it is true, or shall i say, it should b true, but its mostly false in real life (from the way old parents behave in our society).

  2. A thousand percent agreed.

    Don’t want to spark a debate but if you think your child is the sole purpose of living, it’s really not a very sane or sensible choice.

  3. i think i was trying to spark a debate to settle an issue in my own head 😀

    there are days when i see my mom who is a busy working person look lost now that none of her three daughters live there anymore…and i think this is a fulfilled person who still looks empty – who has other purposes and has had them all along- and she can manage to be lost on days so what would happen to those of us who DO end up devoting it all to the child and acce[ting they are our everything. what will happen when the child has a life and we arent their everything?

    scared me and then i found this quotation and it made sense and gave me hope and I thought let me put it out there. 😀

  4. I dont think that they *can not* be, because in real life I have seen that being the case. Rather, I think they *shouldnt* be. and I really wish parents understood this! My mother’s sole purpose, it seems, is us. And believe it or not, I do feel guilty for leaving her alone sometimes, or going away with friends for a long time. Because I know she’ll be alone at home. This shouldnt be the case. One of my friends believes his father “put all his stakes on him” so he has to do something to make his dad proud. This should not be the case either. You (I mean you in general. Not you you) shouldn’t expect your child to sacrifice his/her own dreams to fulfill the dreams you have for him/her.

    I think this sums it all up:

    On Children
    Kahlil Gibran

    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

    You are the bows from which your children
    as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might
    that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.

  5. sonia- i have always loved this writing by Kahlil Gibran and it makes sense. unfortunately i think we all have it- this intense love and want to make our kids everything that (maybe) we could not be- we want to give them all that we couldnt and maybe that clips wings a little.

    I see flashes in it myself some days- and i tell k and my best friends to kick me if im ever that mother in law who doesnt want him to have his own place or life- or if i ever turn into a clingy whiny poor me kinda mom- maybe thats why i work hard at trying to be my own person other than his mom- because one day when he is his own person- he can love that I am too.

    1. hahah in this day and society- who doesnt have mommy daddy issues and kudos to the men especially who can recgnize them (and have a sense of humour about them!) bring it on 😀

  6. My mother used to read khalil gibran often. and she was a very emotional mom. she recognized this and we grew up listening to her say “practice non attachment, not detachment” in order to live without ur kids. This was said more to convince herself that she can have a life without us, that she doesnt need to be too attached to love us. I live far far away from her now…and i havent seen her once since my wedding last summer. if she didnt teach herself to be strong without me back when i was still with her, she wouldnt have been strong right now.

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