Do I say yes enough?

#week3 #oprahblogchallenge

I know someone who says no first. To everything. If you initiate a plan her first reaction will be no. If you ask for help, she will hmm and haw and hedge around before saying yes. Every bit of her body language says no even as her words say yes. I mentioned it laughingly, because, well she is nice and still someone I like and she admitted that saying yes made her feel like people will take her for granted and think she has nothing better to do.

I used to be the kind of person who, if I was interested and you were someone who mattered, was pretty much game to go for most things. Do you want to go for a drive? Yes. Are you upto watching a movie? Let’s go have coffee. Sure. Sure. Let’s meet soon. Definitely. Let’s take a trip together. Let’s launch a magazine. Let’s start a shop.  There is such abandon and freedom in being able to throw a yes out into the wind. It’s as if you have now handed the responsibility of having your yes come real to the universe itself and it must conspire to make that happen for you. YES YES YES. Let’s do it all.

So when I came across this question today, it kind of slid things around in my head a bit, as I realized the multitude of times I have recently not said yes.  And it made me wonder. Am I not surrounded by people who make me want to say yes enough anymore? Or are the things that I am being asked to do not inspiring me enough to want to say yes anymore? Why have I turned into a non yessy? What is holding me back? Am I too tired? Am I too old? Why am I feeling like I don’t say yes anymore? I can feel a mini panic attack about to set in as I have detailed visions of my life slipping away as I sit and say no to everything that comes my way.

That dramatic vision aside, it is true that there comes a phase in life that can only be described an inward. Suddenly all your energy, your power becomes reserved for yourself.
Which is where the no’s come in. You become greedy and selfish, wanting to hoard whatever vibes there are for you and yours. You close the circle. You want to not share. So you dance around the yes. And say maybe a whole lot more.


In the somewhat quiet of the night

Sometimes (like right now) I like to wake up in the dead of the night and do things that ordinarily in the day get sidelined by the pace we have going.

It’s not really quiet at all. The birds are creating a muted ruckus outside – I am not sure why they are up- it’s pre-fajr but no sunlight due for a while yet. And while on birds, do koels who herald my summer so beautifully every year, stay awake 24/7?

So I am walking around the house and room, shiffling things. I needed to send a mail which I do. I have a quick midnight Whatsapp from a friend visiting Barcelona and heading to Munich telling me which cities we one day simply HAVE to do together. I smile, add in my suggestions and reply to her, our time difference ensuring I will hear from her at some ungodly point tomorrow. (I love waking up to random one liner messages and conversations, have I mentioned that?)

I realize today/yesterday was June 1st and Hussy and I had committed to a month long daily blog challenge to get ourselves back into the groove of writing, documentaing and sharing so here I am at 4 am, getting my writer mojo on rather ramblingly.