I should be sleeping. Or working. But it feels like a momentous occasion tomorrow, and the night before cannot be spent in such trivial activities. Instead I am sitting here with an open window to this blog that I haven’t touched in months if not years, willing some sort of words to come to me, because I have suddenly decided that this is an entry I will one day look back with much feeling.
I saw you bubbling today with excitement about your new bag (with just enough pockets, look mama), your full length pants (which look so cartoonish to me but so “cool” to you), your new locker, the shuttle you will ride every morning, a homeroom for the morning call, the gorgeous new campus that I once was also a part of. I remind you to put your name on all your books. You look at me, I GOT THIS,MAMA. And I want to ask again and again, are you sure but I don’t because then you will huff and I will tut and it will ruin this rather perfect moment of ohmyheart that I am currently fluttering in.
I have so much “advice” for you today but look, I am holding back. I will overwhelm you I know that, because I tend to do that in my excitement and I can almost see your eyes glaze over my constant drone of information, advice, love and nag. Ihave this to verbalize everything but I have learnt the art of toning it down from your Abba, whose eyes shine with excitement for you as much, but he won’t smother you with the words.
I want to tell you about how BIG this is in your life but I also want to assure you its NOTHING. That this is simply a small part of what I pray, will be a long, happy, fun, fulfilling journey of becoming who you truly are and understanding what you want to put back in this world. I want to tell how MUCH all this Middle School stuff matters but I also want to tell you NONE of this will matter, one day, as you look back, because good or bad, it will have taught you so much about yourself and the world you are a part of. I want to throw many words at you- KINDNESS, COURAGE, REFLECTION but I know you have already clocked out of this talk, your head and heart too full with the newness of independence and walking to classes, and making new friends and missing old ones. I am in equal parts terrified and thrilled- on one hand wanting to stop time and not lose you to all this madness coming our way, and on the other, genuinely so eager to meet this amazing person you already are on the way to becoming.
No matter what, know I’ve got your back and we can figure it out. You just go put your heart and soul in doing your bit. I love you Nadi ❤